Gas Prices (The Jokes on US)

Let’s turn this gas discussion into what it’s all really about…

Mating… (aka: sex)

I live right beside the school in Tipton and every weekend a few times a day, more at night, kids drag up and down road… every night they cruise back and forth up and down the road… dozens of times each night, more often on the weekends…

There are just a few kids who are notorious about this particular mating pattern… in the tiny town of Tipton (Population: 916 – 441 Males & 475 females [1]) there are about 10 of them (merely 1/100^th of the population)… I can’t imagine what the numbers would be in a larger town like Summerville, South Carolina (pop. 22,703 people = 270 kids out cruising)…

Here’s the math… from the downhill side of the railroad tracks to the end of the road is about a ½ mile… from one end of town to the other is about a mile and a ½… normal gas consumption on a new car (NOT hopped – that is it uses more gasoline)… equals 20 – 30 miles per gallon (mpg) because most people here drive trucks… cruising from one end of town to the next on average 15 times per night equals 22.5 miles… including parking for a few minutes here and there, starting the car at least twice, and stomping the gas at the railroad tracks to show everyone what a hot car you have (what a cool boy or girl you are) equals about one gallon of gas per cruise, per kid, per night… in Tipton that equals 10 gallons of gas per day spent on cruising (a mating ritual)…

More math… that’s 70 gallons of gas per week in Tipton alone… that equals $227.50 from Tipton

In Summerville, South Caroline the mating rituals consume 270 gallons of gas per day ($877.50)… that’s 1,890 gallons of gas per week… at a United States average gas price of $3.25 per gallon [2] that equals $6,142.50 from Summerville…

Basically, these two towns waste $6,370.00 each week in teenagers cruising looking for sex and a way to stay away from home… This is where the 'law of averages' [7] comes into play. The longer you stay out looking, the more potential mates you come in contact with, the more gas/money you waste, the more you pollute our environment. .

Imagine Los Angeles, population 3,694,820 people [5]… cruising population equals 36,948 teenagers… that’s 36,948 gallons of gas wasted for sex… at current prices $120,081.00 per day… 258,636 gallons of gas = $840,567 per week… that’s right, the city of Los Angeles wastes almost one million dollars in gas every week for boys trying to meet girls and girls trying to meet boys…

Overhead, you can subtract $0.16 per gallon off that price in Tipton and Summerville due to state taxes and $0.11 cents per gallon for Federal taxes… you can also subtract (average delivery prices) $0.20 per gallon off that price in Tipton and Summerville for delivery to the pump… You can take $0.15 per gallon off for refining… and the store you bought it from gets $0.12 per gallon… so, far that’s $0.74 that stays here in America [3]…

In short, that’s $3.25 per gallon; $0.1752 from each gallon goes to Iraq [4]… $0.6351 from each gallon goes to Saudi Arabia…

The current rise in prices is caused by dramatic increases in gas usage by India and China…

Population of China = 1,321,851,888 (July 2007 est.) [6]... cruising means 132,185,188 gallons of gas wasted. That would equate to $429,601,861 wasted for sex. China is also getting a ton of cash from gasoline taxes. Are they going to cut back. NO. They are simply going to do what the United States is going to do, run the planet completely or as near as possible to completely out of easily acquirable oil reserves.

More math... let's extrapolate all the wonderful data that we have accumulated and see what we get...

My proposal is to find a way to stop cruising… The Federal and State governments are NOT going to do it, they are NOT even going to help do it… why, because they would lose $18.90 per week in Tipton, $72.90 per week in Summerville… $69,831.72 per week from Los Angeles alone…

The BIG picture, that’s 375 million gallons of gasoline per day in the United States… the US government, makes $101,250,000.00 per day (US avg. $2.20 per gallon) from taxes off gasoline and they get $8,750,000.00 per week from cruising alone… let’s put this up to pure logic and human nature, because after all politicians are humans and are by NO means pure… tell an ordinary, average, Joe on the street that you are going to take 8.75 million dollars per week out of his/her pocket and I don’t think that they are going to be very compliant/helpful…

Forward this message if you want people to know the truth… the hornier a nation is, the more it will suffer…

50 years ago a guy would take a girl out …

For a drive

There were no movie theatres or restaurants

20 – 50 year ago a guy would take a girl out

To dinner

A movie.

Presently a guy takes a girl out for a drive

People can hardly afford gas for the car

Females are really losing out on this deal… If guys weren’t spending so much money on gas trying to find girls who will have sex with them, the boys could afford to buy them many more grand and wonderful items.

An extreme example would be, let’s stay in tonight and I can buy you some diamonds.

Sources:

[1] City-Data.com, (2000), Tipton, Oklahoma, taken from http://www.city-data.com/city/Tipton-Oklahoma.html, on Sunday, April 10, 2005

[2] Department of Energy, (4/4/2005), U.S. Retail Gasoline Prices, taken from http://www.eia.doe.gov/oil_gas/petroleum/data_publications/wrgp/mogas_home_page.html, on Sunday, April 10, 2005

[3] Andrew Ragouzeos - New England Newspapers, Inc., (1999-2005), High Prices bring Gas Pains, taken from http://www.reformer.com/Stories/0,1413,102~8860~2793144,00.html, on Sunday, April 10, 2005

[4] Gibson Consulting, ((1997-2004), Some Interesting Oil Industry Statistics, taken from http://www.gravmag.com/oil.html, on Sunday, April 10, 2005

[5] US Census Bureau, (1Feb2005), California Quick Facts, taken from http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/06/0644000.html, on Sunday, April 10, 2005

** all figures calculated based upon US average gasoline prices of $2.20 per gallon

[6] Wikitravel, (2007), China, taken from http://wikitravel.org/en/China, on Friday, November 16, 2007

[7] Wikemedia Foundation, Inc, (26 August 2007), Law of Averages, taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_averages,, on Friday, November 16, 2007